Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Thursday, March 25, 2004

"I love you." ~first user unknown-widely used by the masses-perfect for all occasions--can always be repeated

The very first thing my daughter said to me when I woke her up today was, "I love you Mamma."

Talk about a day brightener. Before she thought about still being tired, before she thought about school and what to wear, she thought about me. I feel so special.

I wish I could bottle up moments like that and sprinkle them on whenever I need a pick-me-up. I know I could sell that stuff.

There is another type of moment that I wish I could bottle up and save for latter: Those times when you are doing something and all the feelings you have are completely positive, the times when you don't let one moment of negative enter your thoughts.

I walk a lot. I think I walk at least two miles, but I have a feeling most times it is more. I don't plot a course before I go. I just decide which direction to go and I walk. When I am out walking I feel good. Very good. I feel thin and fit and healthy. My mind allows me to believe that I can do anything. I think about entering races, organizing walks to motivate others, and sometimes I even think about running. I feel like I can.

It takes me all of two seconds to lose these thoughts as soon as I come home. Why? How can I keep these feelings?

It's like that with writing too. When I'm walking, I am bursting with ideas. I take a paper and pen and stop at times to write things down. Yesterday I even sat somewhere for a bit and wrote. I was bubbling with ideas. When I come home and try to elaborate on these ideas, they seem so flat. They don't have the appeal they did when I was thinking about them while walking. I don't dismiss them and say they are bad ideas, I actually think some of them are good. Writing about them later just isn't the same. When the excitement level isn't there anymore the writing seems flat. I wish I could stay in that moment of imagination and keep reality away.

This applies to the idea of being a writer or artist too. When I am out walking and I let my imagination and ideas flow, I can picture myself being these things, living this dream. I picture the books and the art. I picture book signings and profits. I picture the life I have because of the things I created. I feel so deserving of these things and I feel like I will have them. Yesterday I even felt like something was going to happen. I had this knowing feeling that when I got home, I would have some big news. I expected to come and find out that I had sold an article or that the card company was going to use my ideas (and pay me for them!). I really felt this was going to happen. It didn't. This made me doubt my instincts because I was that sure it was going to happen.

It did not discourage me, but I wish I could figure out how to keep those feelings. I love those moments.

And just in case no one said this to you yet today, I love you for reading this!

posted by Kelly @ 3/25/2004 07:54:00 AM

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