Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Monday, October 11, 2004

Endless Mountains in Fall

Art and writing now seem like hobbies to me. I still feel that I am an artist and a writer, but I longer feel as if I am actively pursuing either of them as a career.

I don't sell art, I don't sell writing, and I don't earn a living doing either of them. I don't query editors, and I haven't sent art samples to any art directors in a long time. Truthfully, I don't have the heart to at the moment. Rejection will do that to you.

I am much happier creating things because I want to. Creating things is actually fun again since the pressure of "how can I make money with this" is gone.

I am experimenting with new medias. My latest is acrylic. I have used them before, but it was a very long time ago. I like the bold colors that they create. I'm not sure what I'll do with my creations yet. For now, I will enjoy simply creating new things.

In some ways I am sad about this. I wanted all of this to work out the way I wanted it to. I wanted to earn my living as a creative person (as a writer, artist or photographer). Things don't always turn out exactly as we plan. I am learning (and trying) to accept this, and to go with things as they unfold. I have always felt that everything happens for a reason, but when things happen that I am not sure about, I resist.

A great example is my new job, as an assistant teacher. I AM earning a living as a creative person, just not in the way I had thought.

I actually love my new job. I love working with the children. Everyday I get to do something creative. I have to, it is part of the job description. I sing, I dance, I play dress up, I play with puppets, I paint, draw, make up stories. The people I work with are great. I am not complaining about my job. The only thing I don't like about it the actual going to the job. Yes, I know that sounds weird, but the whole process of getting up (early), making my self presentable, and getting out the door is a serious bummer to me. Once I am there, I love it.

Part of me wonders though, if I am using this new job as an excuse to give up the art and writing because it became hard. I try not to look at it as giving up, but as doing it differently. Is this just me rationalizing?

If I am happy, does it really matter what I am doing? Isn't that what it is about anyway?

Yes, I think it is time to rest. It is time o sit back and enjoy what I am doing (and what I have done), and not worry about what I should be doing. Maybe it is time to be Kelly Gibbons, the person. This is hard to write, (I have issues), but I really like the person I have become. I haven't earned much as a writer or an artist, but that's OK with me now. What I have learned about myself, and what I have accomplished in a year is far more important. I am proud of myself.

posted by Kelly @ 10/11/2004 07:02:00 AM

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