*WARNING* This is not your usual dose of sunshine

I estimate that 95% of the time I am a positive happy person. I try very hard to stay upbeat, no matter what, and I can usually find something good in almost every situation. Sometimes, it takes a little longer than others, but I manage to put a positive spin on bad situations. I see most bad experiences as a lesson learn--that sort of thing. Even when I feel really bad, and think things can't get better--you know, the throw yourself of the bed days and cry like there is no tomorrow--within a day or two I am usually over it. At least I always get to the point, where I know things will get better. I try not to dwell on negative things, etc.

During this 5% time, depending on the situation, I can feel, mad, upset, angry, jealous of others, mad at myself for not being better, etc. At the moment (and I know this will pass very soon, 'cause I'll make it pass), I in a discouraged mode. Yes, I know I have had a little success, but at the moment I feel like it isn't very much at all. I know it is wrong, wrong, wrong to compare, and I truly don't do it very often, but sometimes I can't help myself and then I get like this. I start feeling like I'm fooling myself.

I also know it is wrong, wrong, wrong to worry about stats, but sometimes I can't help myself. Why I ever put that silly counter up is beyond me. I should take it down, but I can't bear to because of the chance I might click on it one day and find that I actually have an audience, and not the 30 sec kind that blogexplosion brought me. If you think I am kidding about low numbers, my average per day visitor count is a single digit number. That's pathetic. It makes me wonder why I bother.

Why do I care how many people read this. Well, because it makes good business sense. I know that I am a writer or artist simply because I write or paint, but to make a living at it I think I'll need an audience, right? Unless the 7 or so loyal visitors I have are going to get extremely generous.

So, what does all this mean? Does it mean I suck? Does it mean I'm unoriginal? Does it mean I'm not going about "marketing" myself the right way? Well, one things for sure I done with the blog explosion thing. I'll leave myself in the directory just in case someone feels like giving me a click, but I do not have time to constantly blog just to drum up readership. Maybe this is my problem, but I don't think so, because I have heard of other people finding great success with very little self promotion. I am not about self promotion--it's too hard for me.

This leads me to believe that what I do isn't up to snuff. If it were wouldn't the "product" sell itself?

*WARNING* The rant goes on...

So, what am I doing wrong? Why do I keep making the same mistakes? Why do I make the wrong choices? Why can't I find the right niche? Why can't I find the right markets? What do I need to do to change this? How can I fix this, and make it better?

Oh, I wish there was a magic book to give me all the answers. That would be so nice!